The last album I bought was ...

Edison with his machine and his back-up singers. Edison's band was known as "Tommy and the Technos". They had only one hit and then broke up over creative differences) (Times Union)

Here's a sequence of numbers that may mean something to some of you: 16, 33 1/3, 45, 78.  Can you guess what they are?  They aren't Peyton Manning's cadence on any given Sunday.  Nowhere do you see the word "Omaha".  No, they are of course the various speeds that one would have found on a turntable.   What's a turntable you ask?  Well pull up a seat and let's talk about a form of media and entertainment that history has tossed into its dustbin, (Although it might be on its way back)....the record album. (Which is played on a turntable)

The phonograph like so many other  great 19th century inventions can be credited to one of my favorite American achievers, the great Thomas Alva Edison.  (The one anomaly in Edison's character was his rabid anti-semitism, which manifested itself towards the end of his life.  This can be attributed to his friendship with all-time Jew-hater Henry Ford)  The fact that Edison invented a device that allowed for the playback of sound is all the more incredible considering he was mostly deaf during his adult years.  Edison's phonograph, one of over 2300 patents he filed in his life, was a cylindrical tube that turned with a crank, and it looked like this:

Here's an Edison fun fact. What were the first words that Edison spoke into his brand new phonograph?  I'm speaking of the first words ever recorded in the history of mankind!  I'll give you a hint..it was a song.  The song was..."Mary had a Little Lamb" (Her Fleece was White as Snow)  The song was a hit for Edison, topping out at #6 on the "Billboard Chart".  (Edison considered this curious, that it didn't zoom to number one considering it was the only song recorded anywhere in the world at this time, and the first five slots were just dead air)  Edison's invention cannot be underestimated. Think about it.  Before the phonograph, no one ever knew what anyone sounded like.  For all we know, Geroge Washington had a lisp like Elmer Fudd.  Napoleon could have sounded like Pepe Le Pew, or perhaps Sir Issac Newton laughed like Popeye?

"I am what I am, ah geh, geh, geh, geh", is how Newton could have sounded...we'll never know. (Getty Images)

Fast forward a half-a-century or so, and records as they were already known looked like flat, round disks that were brittle like glass.  (I know because I once sat on my Dad's  "Jimmy Durante" record and it cracked in two, he proceded to voice his displeasure towards me in ways that negatively affected my self-esteem)  "78s" held one song on each side.  The great "Swing/Big Band" classics were released on "78s".   They were played on something called a Victrola. They looked like this:

Check out the "Beats"...y'all (Associated Press)

Fast forward a few more years and the 33 1/3 became the standard platform that music was played upon in the privacy of people's homes.  The 33 1/3 or "LP" or Long Playing Record, was less brittle than the "78s",  it could hold significantly more music, and came in cool "jackets" that became canvasses for all sorts of creative artwork and pictures.  There are too many cool album covers to discuss, but here's one of my favorites:

The album actually came with a real zipper....sadly for many female fans however, it was a bridge to nowhere (Albany Times Union)

The first record I ever owned was a birthday present from my good friend Steve Ward.  It was the Steve Miller Band's, "Fly Like an Eagle".  I had just turned 13 at the time,  so I didn't quite grasp the greatness of the "LP".  I still hadn't taken the leap to "AOR" or Album Oriented Rock.  I was still listening to WABC/AM, but that was soon to change.  They played "Emotion" by Samantha Sang one too many times, and I took that most treacherous of leaps across the dial to FM radio.  I landed on New York City's legendary 95.5/WPLJ.  One song that really spoke to me was a song by the already legendary British Rock Band, "The Who", a new song they had released called "Who are You".  Now that I had found a song and a group, it was time to take the next step...buy my own album.

Samantha Sang, how do you live with yourself? You drove me from AM Radio! (Getty Images)

It was my brother's birthday, and my father took me to a "Sam Goody" in the Sunrise Mall.  "Sam Goody" was what we used to call  a "Record Store".  Like bookstores, you could hang out in them for hours, but not really ever buy anything.  (Which is typically not good for business.)  I purchased an 8-Track cassette of Poco's "Greatest Hits", for my brother.  Poco was a "Folk-Rock" band made up of various components of "Loggins and Messina", "The Eagles", "The Flying Burrito Brothers" and every other sandal wearing, guitar strumming 1960s leftover groovy artist.  They had a few hits, but they were kind of on their last legs.  8-Tracks were like giant cassette tapes that you couldn't rewind, they could only go forward.  They had all the charm of a "7-11" without the judgey look you get from the cashier as you linger too long near the "Hustler" magazines.....so I've been told.  Anyway, it was here that I noticed the first album I would ever purchase with my own money, "The Who's", "Who are You?"  The problem was that I had used up all of my money on the stupid Poco 8-track, and had to ask my father for the money.

We arrived at home and I immediately tore the plastic wrap off  of the album.  Upon taking it out of the sleeve, I noticed it was red!  It looked a little like this:

(Getty Images)

I took the album downstairs to show my father.  I wasn't sure it was a real album.  I immediately regretted my decision since :

A - What the hell did my father know about rock albums in the late 1970s?

B - He gave me the stinkiest of stinkeyes.  I believe I would compare the look to the stare down he gave me when I told him that my friends and I had broken the light fixture in my room during an impromptu boxing tournament.

Oh Poco, where would I be without your "Crazy Love"? (Times Union)

Well, there was only one way to find out if the album worked, so I proceded up to my brother's room, put it on his "State of the Art" turntable, put on his big, oversized headphones, and listened to the opening guitar licks of "New Song", the first song on side "A" of "Who are You"?  It was like a whole new world had opened up to me, the sizzling guitars, the pounding of the drums, I knew I had found "my band".  I had to listen to every song over and over, I had to know everything about every member of the band.  I also knew the regret of realizing that the drummer of my new favorite band, Keith Moon, had just died, tearing the guts out of my new favorite group.

As awesome as vinyl records were, they had their limitations.  Scratch's, pops, all sorts of hazards could befall them.  One time when I was a freshman in college, one of my two roomates had a "Rolling Stones'" album and it had a chunk taken right out of the middle of it, as if a women with spikey high heels had stomped on it.  (We never got her name)

In the late 1980s, Compact Discs, or "CD's" had hit the consumer marketplace.  My fiance' (Later my wife) and I  were making our first joint purchase, a stereo set complete with speakers, turntable, cassette player, and receiver.  The friendly salesperson at "Crazy Eddie's" advised us that we should purchase a CD player as well.  My fiance' agreed, but I cautioned against the purchase.  After-all I said, "Who's going to buy CD's when they are 17 dollars a piece?"  My fiance' countered by saying, "The record companies will stop making vinyl records and people will have to purchase CD"s."  "Hmm", I thought, "I'm about to enter a relationship where I'm probably going to lose 99% of all arguments for the next 60 odd years."  I then turned to the salesperson and said sheepishly, "We'll take the CD player."

Now I have an I-pod with all of my favorite tunes on it.  Since the sound quality isn't very good, I can purchase an oversized set of headphones called "Beats".  I know they are of the finest quality because they are recommended by a Doctor.  a Doctor "Dre" I believe?  (He has his Doctorate in "Funk-a-tology" if I"m not mistaken?)  Of course no one listens to albums anymore or looks at the artwork, or memorizes facts about the bands, it's just something to listen to for 15 minutes until the next hit comes along.  Of all the things that people say they miss about the "good old days", sitting around listening to an album with your buddies is one that  I actually pity the younger generation for missing out on.  You can't have a shared experience with your headphones on.  (Even if they are Doctor recommended)