A few years ago, a writer far more talented than me (Which I'm afraid doesn't narrow it down very much) coined the phrase "helicopter parent" for this generation of parents. I believe it is an unfortunately accurate term in describing the parenting style of so many parents over the past 3 decades. If you have children, think about how many organized activities they are involved in. If it's more than two, ask yourself why? We have two sons, and we are guilty as charged for over-scheduling them while they were growing up. At some point however, it became the norm to involve your child in multiple activities, organized by very enthusiastic adults who saw one too many Vince Lombardi highlights. I fear that children today struggle with the concept of "downtime". Do kids know how to entertain themselves when they are not at school, an organized activity , or heaven forbid, there are no video games to play. Is there any worse torture then when the power is out, the cell-phone batteries are running low, and your kids (ages....let's say 4-18) have nothing to do???? My wife will say something radical like, "family game night"! I'm not sure what happens next, because we have to wait for the collective groaning to pass. But kids who are over-scheduled and over-stimulated are not equipped to handle a world without electricity. For years I considered getting a generator, and only using it so my kids could play video games. "Sorry honey, I know you need to plug the respirator into the generator in order to breathe, but little Alex is becoming increasingly....bored!!!" "Nooooooooo"!!!!
A large degree of so-called helicopter parenting can be found in the world of education. In the district where we live, you practically need valet parking to get a parking space on Open School Night. You might as well be Adrian Peterson as a parent (how's that for up-to-the-minute references) if you don't show up for Open School Night. Now, let's all be honest for a second. Do you really care about anything regarding your child's education other than that time-honored question that every parent asks their child's teacher, "So...how's he/she doing"? Perhaps as a teacher, I'm a little more aware of the curriculum and state regulations than the average parent. But really, why do we need to go to this "dog and pony" show. They are professionals after-all. I trust that the teacher knows what they're doing. What other profession is forced to explain to people once-a-year what they do all day. "So Dr., tell me what you do all day"? "Well, first I play golf, then I make my rounds for exactly one minute per patient at the hospital for a fee of 3000 per minute, then I go to the office where I make sure that no matter what time I scheduled you for, you have to wait at least another 20 minutes. Then I proceed to lick all the little wooden sticks just to screw with people, shake up all the urine samples, and then practice using my remote starter on my BMW, it used to be a Mercedes, thanks a lot Obama care!" By the way, we stopped going to open school night a long time ago.
This over-scheduling seems to start with the concept known as the "Play Date". I never remember my parents scheduling my "play" as a child. I said I'm going to "whoever's" house, and knocked on their door. Try having your child just go and knock on somebodies door. The other parent acts like your kid was trying to see the Mom naked. From there it's Cub Scouts/Girl Scouts, Little League, Religious School, Travel Hockey, Synchronized Hemp Growing, etc...Where is the down time?
The bigger question is, where is this all leading? Well, recent studies suggest that 30 is the new 20. That kids are taking longer and longer to launch. Is it because we are making it too easy for them? Whatever happened to struggling and learning from your mistakes? Our kids must never fail...ever! There can never be adversity in their little lives. We make sure it all works out wonderfully, why would they ever leave? My parents made sure that none of us were going to be lifers. For those of you having trouble saying anything even remotely critical to your kids in fear of ruining their fragile self-esteem, here are some quick-tips from the late Seymour and Janet Hoffman school of getting your kids to move the hell out:
- The "Knock and Enter". The move perfected by my Father It seems he felt it was necessary to come into our rooms whether he really had to or not, he would then proceed to knock, but then walk in before you could even respond. That'll get you thinking about moving out after a few of those
- "You're wearing that"? My mother once didn't talk to me for a week when she saw that my suit had a hole in the crotch. Her theory, which she screamed at me through her tears of shame was that when I left the house, I represented her!
- "You need to throw some of this garbage out". Anything other then the clothes on my back was seen as excess and should be thrown out, and every moment my stuff was taking up valuable real estate in the house was seen as a geopolitical nightmare to my parents who if they had their way would have had a house literally filled with nothing.
I think the real culprit for all of this is Facebook. We are all (us included) so hell-bent on putting up all of our children's accomplishments, that they are raised to think that everything they do is worthy of publicity. They think that every one of their inane thoughts should be published on some sort of narcissistic virtual scribe, as if every little detail of their drab life is worth reading about and should be shared with strangers. I guess we're all doomed. Thanks for reading and next time, I'll discuss how I got my ear wax out.
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