My wife and I recently attended the movies. I did this despite the fact that our financial advisor…advised against. it. He said that if you wish to stay “liquid”, you can’t afford a six dollar diet coke, even if it is a jumbo size 64 ounce cup. According to my urologist, 64 ounces of diet coke is just enough soda to keep me catheterized for the better part of the year.
“Sir, for a dollar more, you can literally own a lifetime supply of popcorn and soda.” (Getty Images)
It isn’t just the “enormo” size popcorn and soda that has changed the movie going experience . In fact, when you think about it, movie going is a form of entertainment that has evolved perhaps more than any other over the past 100 years.
Movie watching began as an experience one did in isolation. You put a nickel into a machine known as…you guessed it, a “Nickelodeon”. You hunched over and turned a crank and watched classics like “Horse Galloping” and “Woman Sitting on a Bench”. (Spoiler alert, she gets off the bench at the end) “Nickelodeon’s” were also small movie houses where one could view silent movies. Movies were in glorious black and white and they were of course silent. (I wonder if people still “shushed” people in silent movie theatres?) In the glory days of the silent movie, many movie houses had a piano player to accompany the film. People would get dressed up for a night on the town, enjoying the antics of Charlie Chaplain, Lillian Gish, and Clara Bow, the “it” girl. (Based on her reported promiscuous ways, the “it” that Clara Bow contained was probably “the clap”.)
“I didn’t care for the plot, but the effects were sick!” (Times Union)
Once the talkies arrived, movies became a way to escape the drudgery of the “Great Depression”. Movies also became the place where parents could send their children on a Saturday afternoon, and for less than a dollar, keep them entertained and out of their hair. People of my parent’s generation (Born in the 1920s) could go to the movies on a Saturday, see several cartoons, Movietone News, a few “serials” such as the “Lone Ranger”, or “Batman”, or “Flash Gordon”, and then a double-feature. In addition, they could get popcorn and soda. This was all done unsupervised by the way. I would also like to point out to the “helicopter” parents out there, that despite having absolutely no parental supervision, well over 60% of these children made it back home safely….often on the same day!
Movies in the 1930s and ’40s were still mostly in black and white, and of course there was no blood, nudity or cursing. As for sex, it was only implied. Most couples were shown in separate beds, and thanks to the Hayes Commission, they always had to keep at least one foot on the floor when they were in bed. Anatomically, this would have made for an excellent contraceptive, since I think those limitations would constitute a “deal-breaker”. If you were being led into believing that sex had actually occurred, they would show the man and woman immediately fully clothed in the next scene as they did in “Casablanca” after Rick and Elsa supposedly had torrid sex.
“But how did you get your suit back on so fast”?
“I have a little trick…I never took it off”. (Times Union
“I have a little trick…I never took it off”. (Times Union
When I was growing up in the 1970s, the local theatre was called the North Massapequa Theatre. It wasn’t what you would call “pristine”. Even as a child, I remember the floor was incredibly sticky. I’m pretty sure that if you ever fell face first, they would have had to scrape you up with a spatula. For a long time, going to the movies was like having a license to litter. It was part of the experience. Once the movie was over, you stuck the popcorn bag and the soda under your chair as if there was a magic garbage chute that would store and dispose of all consumer waste. The sharply dressed ushers with their bow-ties and high-tech flashlights probably didn’t see the situation quite the same. I often wondered why people who swept up popcorn and ripped tickets had to wear a bow tie and vest as if they were photographers at a gaudy 70s era Bar Mitzvah.
“Tickets please”? “I hope to parlay this look into the lucrative field of Bar Mitzvah photography”! (Getty Images)
As a teenager in the late 1970s and early ’80s, going to the movies became a regular pastime for my friends and I. It usually started with a trip to “7-11″ where we would wait outside and keep a vigil looking for somebody who would buy us beer. They had to be older, but not too old. They needed to look cool, but not too cool. Finally, they needed to look a little drunk…but not too drunk. If one of my older brother’s friends were to show up while we were there, that constituted a “jackpot”! A sure thing!
“Excuse me sir…could you buy a six-pack for me, and six-packs for nine of my friends please?” (Getty Images)
We would then hike down all the way from Jerusalem Avenue in North Massapequa to the “Mid-Island Theatre” in Bethpage. The great thing about the “Mid-Island Theater” in Bethpage was that in 1979, the cost of a movie ticket was 79 cents. On New Year’s Day, 1980, the cost went up to 80 cents a ticket. Thanks to these prices, my buddies and I were able to view such classics as “Friday the 13th,” (parts 1-3) “Halloween,” (parts 1 and 2) “Death Wish,” ( part 2) and “”Caddyshack”. (Definitely not part 2!) Great pieces of art like these can only be described in one word, “Cinematifique”!
“Curses, why do I always move my vulnerable family into neighborhoods where the punk to middle aged Dad ratio is so damn high?!? (Getty Images)
Today of course, movie’s are high tech, big budget, and very, very LOUD! My wife and I went to see “Interstellar” in “RPX”. The music was so loud, we couldn’t hear the dialogue. Not only that, it was much more expensive. I paid more to hear less! I know I sound like an old man, but hey, is it asking too much to hear what the actors are actually saying? (And while we’re on the subject, why isn’t the soup ever hot enough?) Many movies today are done in “3-D”. This means I have to wear glasses on my glasses. That’s not known in the world of fashion as a “hot look”! Hear’s a sentence people who wear “3-D” glasses over their regular glasses are not likely to hear during this millennium: “Hey six-eyes, how’s about coming to my place for some hot action?”
“You boys see the way those dames are checking us out?” (Associated Press)
More disturbing than the outrageous high prices for tickets, soda, and popcorn, more bothersome than the 30 minutes of previews, worse than the fact that most movies seem to last two and a half hours minimum, is the fact that leaving your trash behind is no longer acceptable. I actually have to throw out my trash. What is this, Stalinist Russia?
“Comrades…make sure you purge trash, or I will purge you.” (Associated Press)
Many people are fighting back. They bring their own candy and drinks into the theater to fight back against the high prices. On this front, my nephew has emerged as my newest hero. He took “food smuggling” to a championship level. He smuggled Chinese food into a movie. I’m not sure the people next to him appreciated it though. Apparently he was slurping his soup so loud, the gentleman behind him could barely focus on his texting. While lo-mein with your chopsticks may not be easy or convenient in a Movie Theater, there is one benefit that cannot be denied. You can throw your spare ribs on the floor! Your move…cine-plex.
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