Celebrity stalkings

I've always been a big fan of celebrities. Not their behavior or attitudes mind you, but I always get a kick out of seeing somebody famous.  Don't ask me to explain it.  I have no clue why I enjoy this?  I don't know what I expect to happen, or what good could come of it if I encounter one.  I even enjoy hearing about other people's "brushes" with celebrities.

Maybe it's because I like to say "hello" to people.  If I see you eleven times a day, I am liable to say hello eleven times, and with the same enthusiasm in which I said it the first time.  I think this means I'm friendly, although I don't consider myself to be all that nice.  Can you be friendly without being nice?  I believe it was "Moe the Bartender" on "The Simpsons" who once said to Homer, "I'm a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any particular harm."  All I know is, because I see people on the television, or in the movies, or in the newspaper, I feel like I know them, so I want to say "hello"!

You tell 'em Uncle Leo! (You Tube)

Both my brothers have had numerous brushes with the rich and famous.  My brother David used to be on the fencing team at Pace University and while at Pace, he shared the locker room with the New York Knicks.  This was the classic Knicks of Walt Frazier, Earl "the Pearl" Monroe, and Dean "The Dream" Meminger.  My brother met them all, and can honestly attest to that thing you are all thinking about in regards to sharing a locker room with professional basketball players.  Now, thanks to my brother, I can report to you all that you're correct.  NBA basketball players...are really tall.  Actually, he got to play pickup basketball with them and shared a cab with Earl "The Pearl", and that is pretty cool.

My other brother has had many brushes with greatness as well.  For example, when he attended Hofstra University in the early 1970s, the Jets used to practice there.  In those days, football players weren't such prima donnas, and you could actually mix with them on campus.   They would actually eat lunch right in the cafeteria with the other students.  My brother, taking full advantage of these more relaxed times,  asked Joe Nameth to pass him the salt.  This encounter didn't go particularly well when Nameth stumbled reaching for the salt and tore his ACL ruining another Jets season.  Fear not, due to blood pressure concerns, my brother no longer uses salt so it all worked out for the best.   When my brother worked for a certain reference book back in the 1980s, they used to run a contest to see who was the hero of teenagers across America.  The winner would be presented with an award and a copy of the very same reference book.   Among the winners he spent significant face time with included Michael Jordan, William "Fridgerator" Perry, and the "Gloved one", Michael Jackson!

My brother was offered a chance to join Jackson's entourage along with Brooke Shields, Webster, and Bubbles the chimp, but politely declined...hee hee.  (Getty Images)

My wife has also spent time in the company of greatness.  When she worked for "Montgomery Ward", the geriatric centered department store in the early 1990s, she attended two store openings.  At one she met Larry Linville, (Frank Burns from "M*A*S*H" fame) and at the other, Willie Stargell, the Hall of Fame slugger from the Pittsburgh Pirates.  Since my wife isn't much of a baseball fan, she wasn't exactly aware of who "Pops" Stargell was.  She tried to hand him an application form thinking he was there for a job interview.  (What she should have done is handed it to Larry Linville who I'm pretty sure hadn't worked since "M*A*S*H")  At any rate, if this was the caliber of celebrity that "Montgomery Ward" was attracting, it's little wonder they went out of business.

 (It's hard to stay relevant in the retail world when your average customer can be found in the age 80-99 demographic.  (Getty Images)

My own encounters with the rich and famous have produced mixed results.    I went with a friend to an Islander practice once when I was around eleven, and we were both able to procure several autographs.  My favorite encounter was with J.P. Parise', who just passed away a couple of weeks ago.  The veteran forward who looked like an extra from the movie "Slap Shot", asked his fans (Almost all children) to try to keep it down on account of the hangover he was suffering from.  I've always considered him a role model ever since.  R.I.P., J.P.

(He taught me to be civil and kind to others...even when you're hung over)  (You Tube)

I shouldn't omit the fact that at a charity softball game at Hofstra University, I shook Meatloaf's hand after the game.  It was meaty and sweaty...just like him.

As a young man working in my pre-teaching days in the fast-paced bustle that is Manhattan, I was walking up 3rd avenue past Bloomingdale's, when I literally bumped in to a petite, attractive young woman.  It turned out this young woman was none other than "Dallas" star Victoria Principal.  After we both said excuse me, she mentioned to one of her assistants that I reminded her of a young Andy Gibb, not with her mouth so much, but with her eyes.

My wife and I also had an encounter with Mark Gastineau, the infamous "Sack-Dancer" from the New York Jets.  He was out with what looked like a child who had special needs, doing some sort of charitable work it would appear.  I yelled out the word "Jets!" to him as he was trying to give his time to this young man.  He waved quickly, barely looking up from his charity work.  My wife quickly dubbed me, "A complete moron".  Guilty as charged.

(I guess Mr. and Mrs. Brigitte Nielson are too good to look up and say a proper hello to the "kid".  (me)  (Getty Images)

While working in the Television Rep business, I had several encounters with greatness including Dom Deluise, (He put his big sweaty arm around me and put me in a big sweaty headlock), Jake "Body by Jake" Steinberg, (I told him I liked his work in "Coming to America") Maury Povich, (Very nice guy, helped me find out who my baby-daddy was) and some guy from some soap opera.  He seemed nice.  One time in the Metropolitan Cafe in Manhattan, our boss took us out for lunch and as we were leaving, one of the women in our party tripped and fell on the floor. Who was there to ask, "Are you okay"?  None other than Shirley Maclaine and Bella Abzug.  Who says the Feminist movement isn't caring?

A couple of years ago, my wife through her fundraising for the Children's Miracle Network won recognition and was given the opportunity to go to Disney World for the "CMN Celebration".   Fortunately she took me along.  There we met Mary Lou Retton, Warren Moon, and Marie Osmond.  But the highlight for me was getting to schmooze it up with the great Dan Patrick.  He was truly engaging, showing genuine interest in our conversation.

(A media legend...and Dan Patrick)  (The Hoffman Collection)

As a teacher in the Capital District, I always start the school year telling the students a little bit about myself.  I always tell them I'm from Massapequa, the home of some very famous people including the Baldwin's, Jerry Seinfeld, Joey Buttafuoco, and Jessica Hahn, and of course, myself!  I say that we are all talented and have all contributed to society in our own way.  But only Alec Baldwin seems to have anger management issues.  (This is all a lie since I'm from North Massapequa and I attended Plainedge not Massapequa High School) Fear not, Plainedge has produced celebrities including Steve Guttenberg  and "Stuttering John" Melendez.  I knew John, (Although I honestly don't remember him stuttering, just talking fast) and I knew Steve's sister Sue.  Worst of all, I never met Joey Buttafuoco!

Joey!!! Bringing the Mullet back! (Getty Images)

My greatest brush with celebrity however, came when I was 13 years old.  My parents took me to California, and while we were staying in San Francisco, the New York Mets, my favorite baseball team was staying at the same hotel.  I was giddy with excitement.  Sure enough, we come back to the hotel, and there were the Mets, back from their game, (Which they lost) and hanging around the lobby.  I was wearing a hat called a "Mao" hat,  which probably wasn't the best look of choice available to me.    But Middle School awkwardness be damned, I strolled right up to the Mets newest young star, one, Lee Mazzilli, and said, ahem, ahem, "Are you Lee Mazzilli"? He said, "Yeah", in a most shy manner.  We shook hands, and I thought to myself, boy does he look like one of John Travolta's crew in Saturday Night Fever. The scenario looked something like this:

"Are you Lee Mazzilli"? A young Rob Hoffman asks. (Associated Press)

"Yo kid, watch the hair". (Getty Images)

By far, the nicest guy on the Mets, the guy who actually spent real time with me, was a backup outfielder by the name of Bruce Boisclair.  He hit .293 in the 1977 season, but aside from that, he didn't pan out.  But I ran into him eating by himself in a coffee shop, and we talked about his favorite place to play, (Wrigley Field) his least favorite place to play, (Candlestick in San Francisco because it was cold and your hands stung when you hit the ball) and I forget what else,  But when I passed him the next day in the lobby, he waved to me, and my parents were very impressed.  For a few minutes anyway, I was feeling pretty cool.

So, Bruce Boisclair, wherever you are, now that I'm read on the Times Union Blog, by discerning readers in and around the Capital Region, New York City, Long Island, and Cambodia, you can do a little bragging yourself.  And I know exactly what you are thinking Mr. Boisclair.  "I wonder if he still has that stupid "Mao" hat?"