Now for openers, it doesn't have to be America, the nations of western Europe, Japan, Australia, perhaps a hand full of others that escape me are all places where you could live a a pretty good life. Now I know what you're thinking, "Rob, this is all highly subjective on your part, just because somebody doesn't have an I-phone or some other creature-comfort, does that mean that their life is not worth living"? Well, kind of, yeah. Not that you need an I-Phone to be happy, but there are some things that we've developed as a civilization that makes life a lot better. It certainly makes life a lot more comfortable. I've never had to walk 10 miles with a basket on my head filled with water from a well during the dry season for example. In fact, I'm perturbed that I can only water my lawn on even numbered days in the summer time. What is this? The U.S.S.R.?
I'm not sure what my favorite modern convenience is? But there are definitely those that rank amongst my favorites. For example, is there anything better than walking into an ice cold room, the air conditioner cranked up just as high as the ozone layer will allow, the atmosphere outside, a full-blown "HHH", better known as Hazy, Hot, and Humid, better known as every fat person's worst nightmare? That beautiful blast of cold when you emerge from the swelter is as my mother used to say, "Delicious"! I used to ask my father what he did before air conditioning when he found himself "shvitzing" on a brutal Bronx summer day. He said that he and his friends would go to the movies, where for a quarter they would see a couple of cartoons, a couple of shorts (Three Stooges), a double-feature, and of course, Movie-Tone News, courtesy of John Cameron Swazye. Oh, by the way, did I mention, it was AIR-CONDITIONED!! It should also be noted that the very same quarter that his mother (my bubby) provided, afforded him a snack in addition to the price of entry. Today you have to fill out a Mortgage loan application just to get a large popcorn. Then when it was night-time, my father and the other Bronx-ites of the 1940s would hang out on the stoop, go in, take a cold shower, lay down in bed and think "cool thoughts".
I think a lot of what we love about modern America comes back to the idea of comfort and/or freedom. Historically, we are a much more comfortable society than we were two hundred years ago. For example, I was watching the HBO mini-series about John Adams a few years ago, and they showed him going into his house and sitting down in his living room. So, what would one find in the spacious living room of one of America's founding fathers? A few hard-wooden chairs and a table. Here was a wealthy Boston lawyer, coming home to utter "sparse-ness". No television, no radio, no computer, no fans, just a bleak empty room. After saying hello to his wife and telling her about the day, she went off to boil turnips or wash clothes with a rock, or apply leeches to whatever illness was ailing young John Quincy, while he sat on his chair and thought about what? Giving Thomas Jefferson a wedgie? And this I would remind you was during the daylight. Once it was night, boredom took on a whole new definition. The whole concept of having a "night-life" is a 20th century phenomena. I think other than reading by candlelight, your options were pretty limited regarding nighttime entertainment up until the end of the 19th century. One go-getter who didn't let a little darkness at night slow him down was the great Thomas Jefferson. It has been estimated that Jefferson in his lifetime wrote over 20,000 letters! If only he had television, think of all the stamps he could have saved on.
Our modern creature comforts might seem trivial, but I believe that our victory in the Cold War can be directly traced to our superior lifestyle. As we know, the United States and the Soviet Union never fought the cataclysmic decisive war to determine once and for all, whose system would reign supreme. The victory for America came about as a result of a collapsed Soviet economy. A bored populace doomed the Soviets, Why you ask? Back at SUNY Oswego, I took a seminar class in the history of the Russian Revolution. My Professor, Dr. Kulakowski spent many years in the old Soviet Union. Based on Dr. K's research, it can now be told that America won the Cold War through it's huge "snack gap". Apparently, according to Dr. Kulakowski, not only did the U.S. have vastly superior potato chips, pretzels, and popcorn, the U.S.S.R. didn't even have Yodels, or Twinkies, or HoHo's, or Devil Dogs. The best they could muster were "Borscht Chips". (Made with 20% real borscht.) Apparently the only snack product that the Bolsheviks had that was even edible was their ice cream. (Apparently, they ate ice cream in the winter to warm up because it was so cold in Moscow in January, and no I'm not making that up. I can't believe we were afraid of those guys?)
It should be noted that modern American convenience and comfort doesn't work on everybody. When President Bush began the bombing of Afghanistan after 9/11 he also had the United States military drop food and other helpful supplies down on the people of that war-torn country. (Only in America do we bomb you and feed you at the same time, although there is no truth to the rumor that when we dropped the Atomic bomb on Hiroshima, we simultaneously dropped pictures of Betty Grable in her famous "pin-up" picture with a note that said, "Hello boys, once the radiation levels drop to acceptable levels, you can enjoy some good old fashioned American "gams".
I cant make out what the writing at the bottom says, so maybe there is truth to the rumor.Anyway, so the news went and pursued the story to see if the various Pashtuns and Tajiks appreciated the effort by the U.S. to feed their tribesman while bombing them deeper in to the stone age. Apparently they came upon one such mule-herder, (I honestly don't know what he did for a living, but he had a mule with him, it really doesn't matter, he can put it on his resume' if he wants, nobody is going to check up on him I'm sure) who said that while he appreciated the sentiment, he didn't care for the food, particularly the Pop-Tarts! Now why we would drop Pop-tarts on people is a bit of a mystery. Perhaps the old codger was bitter that they were the unfrosted kind? At any rate, while he said that he didn't care for them, his mule found them quite tasty.
I think the lesson here is that while we are very lucky to live at this time period in this country, there are others who aren't aware of what they could be enjoying. Thanks to President Bush though, we are spreading American freedom and values...one Pop-tart at a time. USA! USA! USA!
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