I know what I am. I was raised Jewish, and that's what I am. I'm not, how do you say...a follower. But, you know, a little Passover Seder here, a little Menorah there, just the basics. I try to fast on Yom Kippur, but I start getting a headache right after 12m, so that plan usually turns out to be ill-fated. But follower or not, I'm a Jew. It's a state of mind, an appreciation for schmaltz (Chicken fat), understanding the concept of gefilte fish, justifying everything Israel does, your kind of born with these things. It's evolutionary, just ask Darwin-a-witz.
But while I consider myself Jewish culturally, I don't really buy into the concept of a great power that either guides us, or is judging us, or lives inside us, or cares about us, or loves us, or is seeking to punish us, etc...
My wife loves to pronounce me an Atheist whenever the subject comes up. I don't really enjoy that because I get looks like I just broke wind at the Vatican. Sometimes I think I could announce myself a level three sex offender and get less judge-mental looks then when people hear that I do not "believe".
Maybe my lack of faith has to do with being born a Jew. Being Jewish makes me a minority almost everywhere I go. I haven't been to Israel, but I think it would be cool to step off the plane and be in the majority just once. I guess I could trek down to certain parts of Brooklyn or Queens, or New Jersey, and at least for a block or two, be part of the swelling masses, but other than that, Jews make up a tiny minority of the world's population. There are only 15 million Jews in the whole world. I think 97% of them live in New York, Los Angeles, and Israel. Sometimes I'll sit down for a meal with my Christian family or friends and they will say grace. Everyone kind of looks at me like they're expecting my head to swivel around like the girl from "The Exorcist". People will often say to me, it doesn't matter that your Jewish, as long as you believe in something. That always perplexes me. Why is it so important to believe in something? A lot of people have said that to me over the years, that I should believe in something. If only it was that easy?
Don't get me wrong, I would love to be a believer, I just can't seem to. I envy those people who can say things like, "My faith sustains me", or "I have a personal relationship with Jesus", or "Vishnu is my wingman". Perhaps it is the cynic in me who thinks that the majority of people who believe, do so in order to be comforted by the idea that there is an afterlife, and that the only ticket to a pleasant afterlife lies in the acceptance of a higher power. The concept of heaven is a fascinating one. It has no scientific validity or common sense to its existence, and yet a vast majority of people believe that they get to go. You don't hear as much about Hell anymore. Perhaps people think the idea of Hell is silly. The idea that there's a very hot place to torment those who have not lived by the rules set down by their religious teachings seems antiquated. And, if you believe in Heaven, does that mean you have to believe in Hell? It would seem you would have to, otherwise it's like double-dipping. Also, if there were no Hell, what would happen to bad people? They can't be allowed into Heaven? It's bad enough we're stuck with them here on Earth. There must be some retribution...right?
I often wonder what Heaven would look like? Would it be all clouds? Would our pets get to go? They say that you are reunited with all of your loved ones in Heaven for eternity, does that mean an eternity with my mother? I mean, I miss her and all, but an eternity?? That doesn't sound so heavenly to me! As for our pets, people will say that when your dog dies, it goes to doggie heaven. What would that consist of? Bones, a comfy pillow, multiple places to take a leak? They have that on earth. Earth is doggie heaven! What about other animals? Do insects get to go to Heaven? What about mosquitos? If they get to go to Heaven, can we swat them? If so, what happens to them? It would be like dying twice, that doesn't seem right, even for mosquitos.
How about our bodies? Our earthly vessels? Would we have our bodies in Heaven, or is it just our soul? Is our soul just our personality in some gaseous cloud? If we keep our bodies, at what age are we when we reach heaven? Would my father if he's in Heaven still have varicose veins? That seems grossly unfair! I've been stuck with this body for 50+ years, what would be so heavenly about having it for an eternity??
Hell perplexes me even more. If you are to be tortured, what is it that they would torture? Our souls? Can they feel physical pain, or is it just mental anguish? And who really has to go to Hell? I assume we start with Hitler, and Stalin, perhaps Mao? What about Pol Pot? Everybody hated him! The list is practically endless. Think of all the people you've hated since you were a kid. You don't want to see them in Heaven? Do You?? Should they go to Hell just because you didn't like them? Is there a Heaven for Nerds, Jocks, Potheads, Jugheads, Snapper Heads, Dirt-bags, Bikers, booger eaters? Where does it end????
Whenever people claim that they were dead, but came back, they always talk about a bright light. I think they got that from the movie Poltergeist. Now don't get me wrong, I liked Poltergeist as much as the next person, but I don't think we should be taking spiritual guidance from it. (No offense to Craig T. Nelson) As I think about all of this, I'm not really sure I'm an atheist as much as an agnostic. (An Agnostic for those of you who don't know is an Atheist with insurance...bah-dam...chissshhh) Whatever is in store for all of us, one thing is certain above all else, we will all find out. And remember, if non-existence scares you, just think back to before you were born. That wasn't that bad...was it?
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